There has been news of the worsening economy, the rising costs of living and all. Like we need the news to inform us of what we've been experiencing currently. Looks like I can't give up this job now, not if I want to survive and plan for next year.
As for next year, I think I really should go out of Malaysia for a while. A short while maybe. Or a long time, if there are work available elsewhere. Right now I have no idea what I can do. Did join a charity fund-raising and tried performing in public, solo. Is really a big difference compared to being in a choir.
Another thing I noticed of myself. I keep making social blunders. I don't know, or I cannot read social cues accurately, and react accordingly. I think I embarrassed myself. Hindsight there. Do I really need to take Psychology just so I can function as a normal human being? I think some of my friends are right. I have been living in my own world for far too long. But it was the only way I thought I could avoid conflict. Because conflict can cause resentment. Resentment brings hate. And I wouldnt know if I've offended anyone in any way, and I'm a paranoid nut who's afraid of everything, including the consequences if I've offended someone. I'm scared that I don't have the means or power to protect myself. I think I'm weak and useless. I don't think I can ever stand up to anything because I'm useless and clueless and plain old stupid paranoid. Why do I ever want to live in society? Why don't I just pack up and be a hermit in the woods, away from civilization? I don't mind that, but I don't know how to do that either. Now I sound stupid. But I can't help feeling like this. I don't know if I have any talent or anything. I can't seem to find any passion in anything. Perhaps I do have passions in certain causes, but I don't know how to get to them, not without being a burden to my family. I'm not sure how I should continue.
Surprisingly, I still don't feel like I should bomb the whole world into oblivion. Guess I still like some of the stuff on this planet.
I hate humans. yet I am one. Pathetic, kinda.
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