Stray thoughts

Halfway reorganizing my choir stuff and realise all the latest version is on my office PC or in email, and I'm straying into pairings thought.... Darn it, but tarnsaurus.. x_X...primed for a tragic end (a la 霸王别姬); though there is AU potential for a happy end ... then there is soundwave... why am I writing this again? Btw, should get OP out of his box, and ready him for Christmas introduction :D

Starting Change

Should start with seriosuly writing down what I wanted to write. Usually stories.

reality

I saw a lot of hardship. I felt like wanting to help them all... but I can't. Not all of them at once. How do you choose who or which to help when all of them equally needed some help? Can you help one, while turning away from the other? What about your own limitations? Financial, resources, manpower?
Sometimes just wish people could be better. y being better: less selfish, more caring; perhaps some of those social problems wouldn't even exist, or owrsen to the point of needing help to cure.

..Why didnt I remember...

Darn.. I think I can't change my brother's flight unless i call them... Not sure where and how the hell did I do the booking coz my account is not accessing it... Need to call the customer service tomorrow. if really can't, then no choice...

Writing class.. ponders.

Should sign up for a writing class. At least force myself to complete the half-written notes collecting dust in my computer drive....

finished reports, stare at blue chickens

Back from Johor almost 2 weeks now, and finished all the reports. Glad to know they're all gone. Thus, the surfing time to look at chickens again.

And velociraptors. Especially Blue, the cutest, heroic velociraptor of all Jurassic Park Series. At the same time, dad called, and we talked about Shana, our pet chicken, who loved roast meat.

In the meantime. I've been looking at Writer's Practice at the prompts and how to write an anti-hero. Interesting. Should try the prompts, with chickens instead.

And fanfiction, I'm now totally addicted to fanfics featuring Blue, the velociraptor from Jurassic World. She is just too adorable.

And I should end this now and start a story. Good night.

Going Johor tomorrow. Our 海潮汇 annual performance. Thous would be the 6th. And the grandest, since it is in conjunction with 普照寺 new hall opening ceremony. Seems like all checked. Should be fine. Good luck and nice trip to all :D

And write a report when back.

Stuff to complete tomorrow

There are a few items I need to complete tomorrow, starting with compiling a report on on the meeting I had yesterday, then maybe just clean-up the list of notes and reference I had, in preparation for the new personnel.

For the choir, need to print out the attendance Form, and burn the CD. CD can be burnt after work. will see if office computer can burn DVD or CD. May need buy CD if so...

After that, then will compile all songs and burn into CD for safekeeping..

That's about it...

Sleep now, write later

Saw the KL Writers workshop... need to really consider if I want to join. Seems nice.. and a good way to establish something..

Biggest darn mistake

I left my phone elsewhere.... at least I know it is a safe place... though still berating myself for the careless act... darn it...

Singing in Russian

Once upon a December .. Russian version. Sounds even better than the English one. And a bit easier to learn than Bratja from FMA. Can't stop listening to it.

Same goes for Walt, Zankyou no Terror OST. THe piano was great. Kinda liked that feel that borders between hope and sadness whenever the melody drifts by..

And off to bed I should go... Practice and cleaning tomorrow.

fanfics ramblings

Suddenly got some fanfic ideas.... on TF, on PR and some others. Nostalgia childhood memories...

Idea 1 (PR:Lightspeed) - Their enemy was turned back into an infant without his adult memories. The Rangers found him and took him in.

Idea 2 (TF) - J & P, P & J. Various stories: Sleeping Beauty version, Cat and Mice version...

I think i need to sort those out..

In the meantime, lots to think about in films and anime.

Zankyou no Resonance - makes you think if some of our young people who joined the likes of IS; have they felt they'd been wronged by the established government/the current society? And joining the militants is the only way they thought that could get their point across or give them hope?

Ramble

Lots to think about this week. Aside from getting sick. 

There has been news of the worsening economy, the rising costs of living and all. Like we need the news to inform us of what we've been experiencing currently. Looks like I can't give up this job now, not if I want to survive and plan for next year. 

As for next year, I think I really should go out of Malaysia for a while. A short while maybe. Or a long time, if there are work available elsewhere. Right now I have no idea what I can do. Did join a charity fund-raising and tried performing in public, solo. Is really a big difference compared to being in a choir.

Another thing I noticed of myself. I keep making social blunders. I don't know, or I cannot read social cues accurately, and react accordingly. I think I embarrassed myself. Hindsight there. Do I really need to take Psychology just so I can function as a normal human being? I think some of my friends are right. I have been living in my own world for far too long. But it was the only way I thought I could avoid conflict. Because conflict can cause resentment. Resentment brings hate. And I wouldnt know if I've offended anyone in any way, and I'm a paranoid nut who's afraid of everything, including the consequences if I've offended someone. I'm scared that I don't have the means or power to protect myself. I think I'm weak and useless. I don't think I can ever stand up to anything because I'm useless and clueless and plain old stupid paranoid. Why do I ever want to live in society? Why don't I just pack up and be a hermit in the woods, away from civilization? I don't mind that, but I don't know how to do that either. Now I sound stupid. But I can't help feeling like this. I don't know if I have any talent or anything. I can't seem to find any passion in anything. Perhaps I do have passions in certain causes, but I don't know how to get to them, not without being a burden to my family. I'm not sure how I should continue. 

Surprisingly, I still don't feel like I should bomb the whole world into oblivion. Guess I still like some of the stuff on this planet.  

I hate humans. yet I am one. Pathetic, kinda.

again, late to sleep. Dont understand why I do it again. Shouldnt have. Yet cant resist. Regrets.. should be sleeping now.